MyBlog: Heartaches

Once again I spiral into the confusion of lost love.
I grab at shadows,
only to find nobody here or above.
I sit alone brooding.
I walk alone drifting.
How indeed do we move on?
Is there strength to be found
when a lifetime worth of love is gone?
Or is there simply empty existence
until love is once again found?
How can I hold and keep a heart
shattered and broken in pieces?
Hurting in so many places...
Do I bind my heart with memories
and keep it aglow with the face?
Or do I let go and let a new heart grow?
Let the wind carry the pieces and tears away.
It would be so easy,
and yet my hand refuses to let go.
They cling to the shards,
even as the shards wound and tear.
Ah, the pain of having a heart
that lost a love and friendship so dear.

Commentary: On the Church and Population Management

This is a commentary of the Inquirer.net article: Church population stand called ‘parochial’

A Sad, Sad Week

It's been truly a sad, sad week. I wish I had the right words to describe my state now. So confused. I leave you with two songs that I loved for their music, and whose lyrics convey exactly my heart's message (of course, with gender references reversed as these songs were intended to be sang by a female).

Follow the links below for the Kanji, Romaji, and fan-transcribed English lyrics. As for the music, I'm thankful that you can play and listen Diamond Crevasse over at Nethila’s Blog Space.

Beautiful World by (none other than) Utada Hikaru
Kanji, Romaji, and English (fan-transcribed @ crystalise's Blog)

Diamond Crevasse by Sheryl Nome
Kanji and Romaji
English (fan-transcribed @ Nethila's Blog Space)

Truly marvelous songs.

For those who don't know, Beautiful World is the theme song of the recent (first) Rebuild of Evangelion movie; while Diamond Crevasse is from the ongoing Macross Frontier series.

AnimeBlog: Macross Frontier Episode 10 【鳥の人】

The 10th is by far one of the best standalone episode I've seen. The show features Ranka's first truly big break. It explores Ranka's feelings for Alto - feelings that lift her to a new level. Here, we see the expression of the great potential hidden inside Ranka. I love this episode. An inadvertent glance, a playful kiss, a solidifying conviction, and a maturing of a character - All this makes for one emotional and inspiring 30 minutes that leaves you feeling elated. :)

MyBlog: 日本へ行きます! (Nippon e ikimasu!)

I received my first offer today since I resigned from Canon; and guess what: it is an assignment to Japan! :) I don't know if I actually prefer this to the local assignment (because both were probable offers during the last time I was interviewed), but I guess I am nonetheless very excited about the prospect of going back to Japan - although I have to wave goodbye (for the time being) to my dream job of doing research and further studies. In the end, I think taking the job is the practical choice - one of my seniors in La Salle told me some time ago that I should grab opportunities, don't wait for something that may or may not happen. Well, this is most definitely an opportunity worth grabbing.

The salary is relatively higher than usual similar offers, even after considering that no bonuses will be given. There will still be transportation allowance on top of the salary, and the company will shoulder the living expenses. I will once again be assigned as project manager for an embedded network communications project. So it's pretty much well within my experience, and yes, comfort zone (for better or worse). I may be transferred later, but still to a project in Japan - although I was told that when that happens, I might be given the option to choose to return to the Philippines instead. I was also told that I will have equal opportunities to climb the corporate ladder while in Japan, even though I'm a Filipino. So it's financially good for the short-term with mid- to long-term possibilities for growth. Of course, being in Japan by itself is for me a really big perk already.

As of now, there are still a lot of personal issues to resolve - particularly with my girlfriend. Personally, I think it's for the best if both of us could find some way to go there. I know it will be a milestone for our relationship - a very big milestone. :)

One catch: I only have until Monday to consider everything since the target flight date will already be one month from now! Therefore, meaning: I should start with the paperworks immediately! Everything is suddenly moving so fast. If ever, I have to wrap things up with La Salle by next week because I will immediately be put into a Nihongo crash course in the one month prior to my trip - I'll be in a full time work by next Wed at best!

So fast. I guess that's the way life-changing events happen. Fast. Decisions made in a split-second (or in my case, a split-weekend :p ), altering the course of my life. I always pray that God will guide my decisions, of course - that whatever happens, I will take the path that would please Him. For those who know me: yeah, I know that's an odd uncharacteristic comment coming from me. ;)

A new turning point: this is what it is. It's once again time to make a decision.

Now, if ever I do choose to accept the offer, I hope my visa application will go well despite the tight schedule.

MyBlog: Axis!

It was an uneventful week. The weather started getting warmer again, and personal psychological law seems to obey the inverse of physical law - instead of getting all excited, I got lazy. Well, like all new things, it would seem thoughts of getting sales on eBay is occupying my mind most of the time. I should recondition myself... it's already becoming a bad habit.

Nonetheless, I was able to buy the hardcover edition of Axis by Robert Charles Wilson today! And buy it at 75% off! Apparently, a lot of mass market paperback editions are coming out soon, according to the teller - so they're doing big sales at Bestsellers (a National Bookstore spin-off). Although, at 75% off, the hardcover is actually cheaper than a mass market paperback! The better part of the news is that the money I used to purchase this book came from today's sale of a book I didn't need anymore - plus a bit of change! In effect, it's as if I got a trade-in and upgrade! :)

I'll probably start reading it after I finish Marrow, by Robert Reed.

Additionally, I seem to be getting a number of inquiries about a supplement I'm selling that helps normalize metabolism (read: helps burn carbohydrates and sugars and potentially, fat) - I'm just thinking why they stop at inquiries and never result to sales. :j Hm...

In other news... my to-buy list item Saber (Revoltech version) is P1,000; while the Shifty Saber is nowhere to be found except through eBay. Still pondering if I'll buy tickets for me and my girlfriend for the Lea Salonga Cinderalla musical. What's stopping me, you ask? Well, I don't have the budget... Yet. ;) Ticket prices range from P1,500 to P7,000. :s One female faculty is saying di niya type ang musical score, and suggesting we listen to it first in YouTube. Well, we male faculty members, on the other hand, are saying "Si Lea yun, and just watching her is worth it." Hehehe. Gender differences at work. ;P

MyBlog: The Week in Review

It's been exactly one week since I've updated my blog! I should say it's really been a productive week. Last Saturday was the last session of my second Systems Analysis and Design batch. The class had been more active than the previous batch, especially with some experienced people to give inputs and ask difficult questions. Like the previous batch, a course planned for six Saturdays extended until the eighth! However, unlike the previous batch, this batch was able to try and apply what they learned in a practical mini-project. We were not able to fully evaluate the results though, due to the limited time.

Then, just when I thought I'd get some Saturday rest, I was requested again to start a new batch - my third - this Saturday! X)

Meanwhile, yesterday marked the last session of my first Introduction to Programming with Java short course. Honestly, it was the first time I used the Java command-line compiler that much, since I usually relied on the NetBeans IDE in the past. But it was easy. The course was intended to be primarily algorithm/logic formulation rather than hardcore Java anyway. So I just had to port my lessons in C to Java.

Between the two, I found the Intro to Programming easier because of the shorter sessions, and because of my familiarity with the subject matter.

Which reminds me... I still have to check the finals for both courses! :p
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Other than that, I've just been hanging around eBay. I finally got to sell some items! >) Last week's sales included my FFVIII Cerberus Guardian Force figurine and a Venom: Lethal Protector trade paperback. I decided to sell Cerberus to get some cash - besides, it's just been sitting there on my shelf for quite some already. I have to admit I wasn't able to sell them for a much. I think I could've gotten more. Hm... Seller's remorse? Hahaha. But the good thing is that I'm able to contribute a little happiness along the way - to the collector who bought cerberus at bargain, and to the person who just purchased 2 of my Athrun Zala (of Gundam Seed / Destiny fame) gashapon figurines. The latter mentioned that she was a fan of Athrun, and she was practically ecstatic when we were chatting. I'm sure I know the feeling - I will be just as ecstatic when I get to buy that Saber figurine... ;)

Btw, speaking of Saber, if you've read the Trivia link I posted ("OMG! An Otaku dates Saber!"), I saw an international seller selling the life-sized doll for around P100,000! =)
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And then I tried Auctiva, a third-party site that provides supplementary tools for eBay. So far, the only thing I really liked about it is the additional scrolling gallery. I haven't tried much of anything else about the site since I usually like to manage everything in one spot - namely, in eBay itself. I also found the service slow and inaccurate -- changes in eBay usually don't reflect immediately, which is annoying for somebody O.C. like me. Oh well.
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This week's anime episodes were all great. Macross Frontier ep. 7 was a fun and excellent episode. Sheryl performs in a concert, while Alto goes into a battle in an effort to rescue the Macross Galaxy fleet from a major Vajra attack. The songs were beautiful, especially how they were choreographed with the dog fights! The episode also revealed the new Macross fortress in action, although I felt it was too early and sudden. Meanwhile, Code Geass R2 ep. 7 brings the show into a new turning point. Lelouch dives into a depression after losing his raison d’être - as Nunnaly, his lost little sister to whom he dedicated the rebellion, in an ironic twist of fate becomes the new governer of Area 11. His depression spirals into a petty display of his geass powers simply in order to obtain a drug that will allow him to escape the reality surrounding him. This leads to a confrontation with Kallen, and into a shocking request - I can't believe Lelouch actually said what he said to Kallen! Whoa! (Click on the image if you don't know what I'm referring to.) Well, he got a slapped. Ouch. But don't worry, Lelouch is back in action at the end of the episode. After Rolo, his fake little brother, finally makes him realize that perhaps it was no longer just about Nunnaly(!).

As for Soul Eater, I haven't watched it lately, but I'm looking forward to it... hopefully soon!

MyBlog: Hybrid MT Caps an Interesting Year

Yesterday was the demo to the technical panel of the software I was creating as a research assistant in DLSU. I wasn't part of the team who went to the meeting though, so I wasn't the one who demo'ed it. In a way, I feel I was being irresponsible. Although I did have a short course inadvertently (honest!) scheduled. Could I have moved it? It's possible, but I didn't. Frankly, I was scared.

The project called for the UI integration of 8 NLP(natural language processing)-related undergrad and graduate thesis software. It wasn't really difficult to create an integrated UI in Java. Deciphering the interfaces of each thesis wasn't that much of a problem too. Although the debugging, testing, and training was hell - and that's why I was scared -- because the engines weren't sufficiently trained, and successful translation can only be done on a targeted set of sentence types.

Not that I didn't try. Studying the internal behavior of each software was really difficult. Moreso in determining what training data to feed each one so that each would behave as expected. It was more or less trial and error until I understood the internals of the various code... well, sort of understood. So we settled for targeted training.

Anyway, the technical panel seemed happy and satisfied. I'm glad they understood the difficulties involved.

As a whole, the project was fun, and a breath of fresh air. I learned Java. I contributed something. I learned new things - such as how a lexical functional grammar (LFG) works; and how to add functionality to OpenOffice.org using Java. I got paid. What more could I ask?

There's still one more demo left, this one more difficult since non-technical people will be involved... and they usually expect something "flashy." So my short-term task would be to further improve the possible sentence set. Also, there's still one other subproject left undone, and it's going to be web-based, and hence something new for me again. These tasks are going to extend past my contract, but I don't really care. I'm just excited! :)

Now for the sad part... It would seem there might not be any follow-up projects along this research line. I was hoping to continue studying, tweaking, and even try integrating the design of the various systems - even without pay, just as a pet project. (I really enjoyed it!) I guess I still could, but if it's not going to be useful, I feel it would just be wasted.

Overall, I feel satisfied about the accomplishments over the past year ever since I resigned from Canon. Satisfied in a way I never felt for the past several years. I felt something was jump-started in my life; with this research assistant work capping a long series of learnings. I'm hoping to still volunteer for research work in the future, even after I, God willing, get a new corporate job (my bills are piling!). I hope I was able to deliver a good work for them to reconsider me. ;)

Many thanks to Nats, Borgz, Sol, Badong, and Doc Rachel, for the support during the course of the project. :) Special thanks to Kat Go for the help with two of the engines.

Cheers, to an interesting year, and a more interesting future!
Kampai!

BookBlog: And the Manifold Lives On

(Warning: Spoilers ahead!)

Manifold: Time ends with a silent expanding wave of a new reality; and life can go on. It was a satisfying conclusion, and provides an alternative answer to the question of the cosmic purpose of life and mind.

Although I feel sorry for the poor cephalopods (squids) that are out-running the vacuum collapse... it was a sad ending for them. As sad as the Heat Death struggle of life at the end of time.

I have to admit though that it was a long, and often times surreal journey; like a long drive that has too many branches and long stretches. At some point, I was already wondering where the story was heading. The plausibility of some of the technologies developed can make you raise eyebrows - given the time period. If the story were set further in the future, the technologies would probably have been more believable.

But I'm glad the author was able to wrap it up properly - meaning, it didn't land flat for me; at least something was answered. There are really a lot of stuff that I wish were resolved - particularly related to the nature of the downstreamers, the portal on Cruithne, and how the causal loop worked. I think these are central concerns of the story. Or perhaps it was meant to be that way? A story told from the point-of-view of a person living in our time.

Now, what I also wanted to know (and didn't get) is how this book will connect to the next one, Manifold: Space. Reading the description at the back of the next book, it would seem everything was back to normal(??). It was like that time when I read Exultant and Transcendent (Destiny's Children books 2 and 3). Having read the Xeelee Sequence, I can't stop thinking, "Huh? How does all this tie-in with the existing works?" -- which was really frustrating.

So will I buy the next book? Well yes, but not immediately. I think I'll prioritize getting myself Axis by Robert Charles Wilson, and Endymion by Dan Simmons.

Info: Axis (Hover over me!)
Info: Endymion (Hover over me!)

MyBlog: Site Look and Feel

I've decided to try other site templates. I really liked the design and color scheme of the original style I used (Son of Moto), except I felt the texts were a bit crowded.

So don't be surprised when you get a different look and feel the next time you come back. ;)

RandomBlog: Mathematical Fiction

Once again, I was doing a Google search just to check whether or not Google already crawled and indexed my blog site. I don't know how many people do that, but I hope you don't put any meaning to that action. ;)

Anyway, I tried "baxter godel" (minus the quotes). A curious result caught my attention, and I clicked it and ended up reading some of the articles there. The site is MathFiction. This was the actual page I ended up in, but I'm sure they have a homepage.

I know I've seen this site before, but I guess I just bookmarked it as an interesting site and never got back to it. I'm glad I was brought back to it today! It has some pretty interesting and helpful commentaries on SF works that had dealt with math. Being a fan of hard SF, I've read some of them. It's nice to see Vacuum Diagrams rated highly by the site. ;)

What's more, they have links to works that are freely available online! Free math fiction! Now, I'm sure not everyone will be as ecstatic as I am, but I suggest you give it a try. Just now, I read Division by Zero by Ted Chiang, which is one of the stories marked as "Highly Rated." You can find a copy of the story here.

It's a quick light read about a female mathematician's spiral into suicidal depression (sort of) after proving that arithmetic is inconsistent (i.e. that using only arithmetic's basic axioms, one can derive two statements that contradict each other). The story provides the necessary summary background of why this is relevant. The proof isn't there of course (it is fiction after all!). I'm sure Gödel would have something to say about that, maybe. (I'm still reading Gödel's Proof, so please forgive my lack of understanding.)

If you're an SF reader, this site is a treasure. If not - just give it a try! It's not for geeks only! I'm sure you'll come out more knowledgeable (and hopefully interested) after going through some of the works.

Hm... Here's another interesting title: Our Feynman Who Art in Heaven... by Paul Di Filippo (here is the link to the short story). Now this made me smile and laugh! :D

AnimeBlog: Selections this Season

This blog is a bit late, considering the new season already started last month!

Nevertheless, these are my picks for the season:

Code Geass R2: Lelouch of the Rebellion
Who would miss this?! It's now at Episode 5. The first season was gripping, and I think the 2nd season is fulfilling expectations greatly! The cliffhanger at each episode's ending never fails to make me laugh in appreciation of how well-executed the show is. The way Lelouch and the officials of Britannia parry and try to out-maneuver each other is just simply too intense!

Soul Eater
I didn't know what the show is all about until I watched the first episode. And guess what, I was hooked just by seeing the opening credits! I like the soundtrack - very upbeat. The art reminds me of Street Fighter Alpha (the character art, not the in-game art). The weapons-as-characters concept is also nice. Maka, the schoolgirl, and her death scythe, Soul Eater (the show's namesake) simply make a wonderful combination. Maka is simply tenacious, bratty, and adorable. How you'd wish to be her weapon!

Of course, you'll definitely love the other quirky main characters in the show: the pompous Blackstar and his silent but deadly demon blade, Tsubaki; and the perfectionist Death the Kid along with his sexy guns, the Thompson Sisters!

This is definitely a series to watch. They've just finished introducing the characters in the prologue (first 3 episodes) and has started with the main series. The show is now at episode 4, so catch up if you haven't started watching!

Macross Frontier
I've never been a Macross fan. Really. But after watching episodes 1 and 2, I think I'm going to like this particular series. It's now at episode 5, and I like the way the relationships are developing. Of course, the CG rendering of the mecha are simply stunning.

BookBlog: Gödel and Baxter

Last Sunday, I started reading Godel's Proof by Nagel, Newman, and Hofstadter. It's a classic and quite a treat. I've always wondered what it's all about, and now I'm diving in!

Info: Godel's Proof (Hover over me!)

So far, the author discussed the concept of proving the consistency of mathematical axioms, how such proofs are done, the difference between mathematics and meta-mathematics, and using a purely abstract language and logic rules to come up with proofs.

It's a pretty easy and interesting read so far. I like the way the ideas flow as the text progresses. Nothing complicated. That is, until the author started to invoke logic rules like modus ponens - a term that brings back memories of good old college days when I was studying discrete mathematics. Hahaha.

But it's a wonderful time trip. I love the academic review. But I suspect it's going to be a slower reading from now on. But I don't mind. I'm always happy to re-learn stuff like these.

Still, I should say that I was a bit side-tracked by another book I bought at BookSale that same day. It's another science fiction book from my favorite author, Stephen Baxter. It's entitled Manifold: Time. I've seen the title for quite some time already but was apprehensive of buying it. I have this impression that it didn't get a good review -- at least not as much as his best books from the Xeelee Sequence: Ring, Vacuum Diagrams, and Time Ships. I guess I was afraid to be disappointed.

But after reading the review of the late Sir Arthur C. Clarke (indicated at the back of the book), I got curious and intrigued. He said, "A staggering novel! If you ever thought you understood time, you'll be quickly disillusioned when you read Manifold: Time."

I respect Clarke a lot, so I'm holding him up to it. After reading (and greatly appreciating) Baxter's Xeelee Sequence, Time Ships, and Destiny's Children books, I wondered what else the great Baxter can do with time that will surprise me. So I bought the book and read it.

Info: Manifold: Time (Hover over me!)

I'll probably write my comments as I go along. I'm already at page 200 today. So far, the novel is engaging. But I'm still waiting for that eureka moment I look forward to in all books I read.

I should say at this point that Baxter is great at bringing space, and especially time to life. He can really make your imagination stretch with them - leaving you at awe of how vast and immense they are, and effectively, how insignificant we are compared to them -- but that is what makes his books at the top of my reading recommendations, because they present one of the greatest challenges to mankind there is: transcending the seeming infiniteness of space and time.

How will we humans as a species overcome the harshness and seemingly limitless distances of space? And ultimately, how will we ensure the survival of humankind for all time? These are just some of the thought-provoking concepts Baxter always brings to the fore, and one of the reasons I love his works.

As for Gödel, I'll shuffle it in and out of my reading as I feel like it. So far, I'm almost halfway through it at page 48. It's a pretty small hardbound book with the promise of a lot of new insight and knowledge. So I'm not letting it go until I finish and understand all of it.

On the side, it would seem Manifold: Time also made me pause reading another book: Friday by Robert Heinlein. I also got that one at bargain, but it's not engaging me so far. It's good writing with wonderful characterization, mind you, but I always keep on imagining the promiscuous heroine in a 70's context. Must be the cover art and language.

Info: Friday (Hover over me!)

Anyway, will keep everyone updated how my latest readings, Gödel and Baxter, fares in the coming weeks. 'Til then!

ryles@blogger is Born!

My first posting!

I got inspired while reading a post from one of my students. Was Googling my name when I came across her blog. I know, I know, so vain of me to try to Google my name - but hey, you never know what will come out -- we have a reputation to manage! Well, I guess I was also imagining people from corporate HR trying to check each applicant by first trying to do an online search.

In any case, now I'm giving blogging a try.

I'm still wondering what I can put online. I'm looking forward to doing this in a fun way. :)